Underground Tap
Steroid freaks from around the world
by Ron Harris

Installment 6 — Regular Joe Roidhead

Our subject this time is probably a little more representative of the vast majority of steroid users than our usual, "roids by the dump truck" interviewee. Unlike most of the men and women interviewed thus far, he's not a professional bodybuilder and has no aspirations of being such.

This regular Joe works a full-time job in a field totally unrelated to fitness and is married with several children. His physique is far from average, however. He's been profiled in a Muscle and Fitness article, and his own workout and posing video is advertised in several magazines.

Competitively, he's won the overall title at several regional shows and is currently training for the NPC California championships, known locally as simply "the Cal." Past winners include Flex Wheeler, Chris Cormier, Dennis Newman, Mike Christian, and Aaron Baker. A favorite to win this prestigious title, his thigh development was once praised by no less than Tom Platz himself.

Regular Joe is a prime example of how moderation and balance may be a wiser path than the chemical kamikaze attitude that we see all too often. Let's let him tell the story of his own steroid experiences.

T: What were the circumstances under which you were first introduced to steroids? Who or what made you want to try them, and how did you get hooked up?

RJ: I started training in a pretty well-known place that had been sort of the Gold's Venice of the San Gabriel Valley. There were still a few really good competitors who were obviously on some good shit. I was in dire need of muscle and had to look like that, right away.

I tried asking them about where I might get some stuff, but it was just a couple years after steroids had become illegal. Everyone was paranoid and thought that the gyms were full of narcs. Plus, the guys with 20-inch arms benching five wheels pretended that they didn't know anything about steroids.

I said "fuck it" and took off down I-5 at 100 miles an hour until I got to TJ. I crossed the border on foot, got two bottles of Dianabol, and stuffed them in my pants. Before I even got back to my car, I'd taken four D-bols. I felt them working instantly. By the time I got back up to LA, I could've sworn that I felt bigger already.

T: How long had you been training up to that point?

RJ: I'd been training like a bodybuilder for a year, since New Year's Day of 1990.

T: What kind of gains had you made — without roids — and what sort of gains in size and strength did you get from your very first cycle? (Regular Joe is somewhere around 5'8" tall.)

RJ: I'd gone from 120 to 130 pounds. I wrestled in high school starting at 98 pounds, so that gives you an idea of what a tiny frame I have. I always had wide clavicles, but I was just skinny as shit. My genetics for putting on muscle aren't very good. That first cycle was worth about five pounds of muscle.

I went back to Tijuana a couple of weeks later and got some Sustanon-250 and Deca. Even with that, eating right, and training hard, I only gained five pounds. My body wasn't really meant for this. I had to coax it along, little by little. I've learned to accept it. It's a lot easier for me when I come off. I don't lose much, so I guess I'm lucky in that regard.

T: What was your first injection like?

RJ: I didn't have the slightest idea what I was doing. I pulled all of the blinds down and locked myself in the bathroom of my little apartment. It probably took a half-hour of false starts before I finally just shut my eyes and stuck the needle in. It only went in about a quarter of an inch, and when I tried to push it in further, it hurt like hell. So I just injected it where it was and went to the gym to train.

I was warming up on the bike when I got the feeling that the oil was leaking out of the injection site. I put my hand over it to keep it in. Of course, that just turned out to be my paranoid imagination. I remember thinking that I was gonna' train even harder and be more focused, now that I was risking my health, morals, and incarceration.

T: Do you regret using drugs so relatively early in your lifting career, or do you feel as if you merely saved yourself a lot of time?

RJ: Not one bit. If anything, I wish that I'd had more money to spend and better access. Then again, I probably would've been scared taking as much as some guys. But no regrets. Without steroids, I probably wouldn't have even looked like a bodybuilder until I was old enough to be in the Masters shows!

T: What are some of the best gains that you've made from cycles since, and what's been the most effective cycle of your "gear career?"

RJ: Like I said, the gains have never been dramatic in terms of weight gain or weights. I've never been the biggest guy or the strongest guy, and that's fine. For me, pre-contest stacks have given me the best results. I've kept my bodyweight up on very low-calorie diets and gotten some incredible hardness and vascularity. That's how I've won my shows — on condition. This has been the best combination for me:

• Winstrol, 200 mg a week over three injections
• Deca Durabolin, 400 mg a week
• Test Cypionate, 200 mg a week

T: That doesn't sound like much.

RJ: Maybe it isn't. People think that I take a lot more than I do. I tried GH, and all I found it good for was keeping my bodyweight up. I used to have trouble staying over 205-210 pounds, but now I'm usually over 215 in very lean condition. I use 2-3 iu a day of Somotropin.

T: How easy is it for you to find drugs? Are certain ones much harder for you to obtain?

RJ: It's always easy to find drugs — just a matter of how much you want to spend. The first time I bought growth, I paid $1,000 for five bottles. That was almost four times what I should've paid if there was someone that I could trust who had legitimate pharmacy connections. There are a lot of shady dealers out there who pretend that they're your buddy and tell you how great of a deal you're getting. Then they laugh about you behind your back after they've reamed you.

Hard-to-find items? Real Winstrol is tough to get. Masteron and Parabolan come around maybe once a year, and only to a few dealers. When contest season is coming, Winstrol and Parabolan are like gold.

T: What are your favorite steroids or drugs, and for which of their effects?

RJ: I love Winstrol for hardening and vascularity. I've noticed entire sets of veins on me that don't even come out unless I use it. Masteron is also excellent in the last couple of weeks before a contest for getting that shrink-wrapped hardness in stubborn areas like the glutes and hamstrings.

T: I have to ask, as one married man to another, what does your wife think of you using steroids? Is she supportive, indifferent, or on the verge of divorcing your ass?

RJ: She's not very supportive at all. The money thing isn't really an issue. I make a decent amount, and she makes more than me. I've never spent much on drugs. I admit it, I'm cheap. I'd rather spend the money on chicken breasts. Plus so much of the stuff out there now is fake and low-quality, compared to the '70s and '80s.

My wife will probably throw a party the day I stop doing steroids. She liked the body at first, but she had no idea about all of the work and trouble that goes into looking like I do. Sometimes I think that she'd rather be with a normal guy.

T: How effective do you feel steroids that have been for you personally, since everyone reacts a bit better or worse than the next guy? How much bigger and better do you think you are now than if you'd trained without the aid of drugs?

RJ: Steroids certainly work for me, but not anywhere near as well as they seem to work for a lot of other people. Still, I'd probably be around 170 or 180 pounds without them. I give them credit for about 40 pounds of muscle. That's a lot.

T: Here's another domestic question. When you're using some of the androgens and your aggression level is high, do you ever come close to "losing it" when your wife or kids get on your nerves?

RJ: That's where the chronic [marijuana] comes in — it keeps me mellow and easygoing. It also keeps my appetite up, which is very important for me. There are times that I feel irritable, like when I'm stuck in traffic, late for a meal, or when my wife doesn't want sex. You just have to suck it up. What am I gonna' do, go on a rampage?

T: Another thing that you have to deal with has to be an artificially enhanced sex drive. How does this fit in with being a married man when every hot girl who walks by gets your loins in an uproar?

RJ: I hit it, if I can [laughing for a moment]. I've had my "Penthouse Forum" experiences. One hot day, I was driving with my shirt off and saw a cute girl walking on the sidewalk. I asked her if she needed a ride. She got in and started feeling me all over, then she went down. I pulled over, and we did it right there in the daylight.

But stuff like that doesn't happen anymore. I try to avoid the hassle. These things take time, and I'm on a schedule. I can't miss a meal. Now I just jack off a lot.

T: What type of side effects, if any, have you experienced as a result of steroids?

RJ: Just paranoia that I might be doing irreparable damage to my body. No zits, gyno, or anything like that.

T: Does being a family man make you any more cautious about your health? What steps do you take to be sure that your risks are minimal?

RJ: Oh, absolutely. I've always used the lowest dosage that I felt I needed. I'm never on for more than two or three months, and then I'll take at least a month or two off. I visit the doctor once a year and get a full blood panel. I take supplements like vitamin E and primrose oil. But I think that the low dosages have kept me pretty healthy.

T: What do you think is the most underrated steroid? Overrated?

RJ: Triacana, which I guess isn't a steroid, gave me some great fat-burning results. GH is the most overrated thing for how much it costs. Plus, if you don't know how to take it, you're wasting a whole lot of time and money.

T: What mistakes, if any, have you made in the way that you've taken drugs in the past?

RJ: Not taking enough. I'm only starting to realize lately that more drugs do give you more results. I'm working on a connection in Venice who should be able to get me good prices and the best stuff. I refuse to pay a nickel for something of which I'm not 100% sure.

T: What do you think are the most common mistakes that most users you've known have made?

RJ: I'm not one to judge. To me, somebody who takes a lot of test looks puffy and watery, really just like a big fat mess. But they probably just want the weight gain and couldn't care less if they look like that. I see a lot of people who stay on for way too long. That just can't be healthy, not to mention they're burning out their receptor sites. These are the guys who have to take more and more just to keep getting the same results.

T: Tell us about the stack that you'll be using for the Cal.

RJ: I could only afford enough GH to last two weeks, so I'll take 3 iu a day from 16 weeks out to 14 weeks out. For the first three weeks, I'll use 200 mg a week of testosterone enanthate, then boost that up to 400 mg a week for the last nine weeks. I have the Mexican veterinary Equipoise, Maxigain. That'll be 400 mg a week for the last nine weeks. And the important one is Winstrol — 50 mg a day, every day for the last 12 weeks. I believe in site injection with Winstrol. I think that you get a little localized growth at the injection site, so I put it in my shoulders, tris, quads, and calves. Also, for the last 16 weeks, I take six Spiropent a day — two days on, two days off.

T: One thing that I have to know, as someone who has a wife and a joint checking account, is how does your wife feel about the money that you're spending on this stack? And what did it set you back, if you don't mind me asking?

RJ: All of the money that I'm spending comes from the extra cash that I make as a personal trainer on the weekends, as well as the money that I get from selling photographs and percentages of my video sales. I reinvest all of the money that I make from bodybuilding into my physique. The Cal stack only ran me a little over two grand, but my wife has no idea. She gets my check from my day job, and it's all that she cares about.

T: Regarding drugs and competition, how much of the current crop of pro's and top amateur's physiques are drugs, and how much is a factor of fortunate genetics and tough training?

RJ: I really feel that the placings have more to do with training and nutrition than anything else. I've seen hundreds of guys who took mass quantities of drugs, many times anything I'd ever take, yet they wouldn't be confused for a bodybuilder in their wildest dreams. Genetics are more important as you move on up the levels. In a novice show, where almost everyone has average or below-average genetics, you can see who trains hard and eats right and who doesn't. You can overcome a lot with superior training and eating.

T: Do you consider yourself someone who uses a minimal amount of drugs, a heavy user, or something in between?

RJ: I do the minimal amount that I need to do.

T: What are some of the craziest amounts of drugs that you've known friends or gymmates to take?

RJ: Some people are just stupid. One kid took ten Anadrol-50 a day for a few weeks. I've never seen such bloating happen so fast. Forget Sean Combs — this kid was the real Puffy. He would've kept going, but he got really sick and had to be hospitalized. He's fine now.

Another guy that I knew took almost a whole box (20 tablets) of Clenbuterol a day when he had a show coming up but wasn't lean enough. He still ended up smooth, and jittery as hell. A lot of guys will take 1,000 or more milligrams of test a week along with Deca. Personally, I think that so much test over a few cycles has to be extremely damaging. And any amount of insulin or IGF-1 is dangerous, unless you're practically an endocrinologist and know exactly what you're doing.

T: Do you make an effort to cover up your muscles at your job? Do you think that people there suspect that you use drugs, or are they too na?ve?

RJ: I always wear long-sleeve dress shirts with a collar, slacks, and shoes. I make an effort never to discuss weight training or bodybuilding, but they still ask me for advice about working out and losing weight all of the time. No one at work has ever asked me about steroids or taking them. I'm always very pleasant, professional, and friendly — the total opposite of a meathead. I don't know what people say behind my back. But, like I said, I'm not that huge, and I'm always covered up. I don't think that they know or even have any idea what my physique looks like. It's not like I have 8x10s from contests hanging on my office wall.

T: What are your ultimate goals in the sport, and how long are you willing to keep using steroids before you consider giving them up forever?

RJ: I don't really have any long-term aspirations like turning pro or competing in the Mr. Olympia. That's not very realistic for me. I definitely want to get out with my health. The day that I don't do well in a contest, I'll quit. Whenever I prepared and set out to win a show, I've always won it.

I'd like to try the national level, but that costs a lot of money. I'm not about to bring the quality of my family's lifestyle down so that I can compete at 230 pounds. My wife would never stand for it, either. The only reason why she even goes to my contests is to make sure that I don't hook up with any groupies.

I'm 30 years old now, and I doubt that I'd even consider using steroids and competing after the age of 35. At some point, you become pathetic. Have you ever seen the old bodybuilder guys with the wrinkly skin and the hairpieces, strutting around like they're young stallions? What a joke. This is a sport for young men.

T: Finally, as a dad, are you worried that someday one of your kids will ask you if you used steroids? How would you respond?

RJ: I don't worry, but it wouldn't be a comfortable moment. I'd tell him the truth and try to discourage him — not just from steroids, but from bodybuilding. So many kids get caught up in bodybuilding and it just takes over their lives. I'm going to put away all of the trophies and photos so that my son doesn't feel like he has to live up to that standard. And if the girls ever wanted to use steroids, no fucking way!

T: I'll try to end this on a positive note. What are the best things that drugs have given to you, and do you feel that the people of America could benefit if steroids were made legal with a doctor's prescription, as they once were?

RJ: Steroids did a lot to increase my dedication and focus. They made me train harder and gave me a reason to follow a good diet to the letter. When you know that there's a definite reward, you'll work much harder than when you may or may not get the reward from the hard work. None of my success in bodybuilding would've been possible without them. They help me set and achieve goals like winning contests or getting a certain amount of publicity.

As for being made legal, I'm not sure. I kind of like the fact that you have to know the right people to get steroids. It makes it a lot more exclusive. If every idiot in America was on a cycle, muscles wouldn't mean anything anymore.

T: Thank you very much for your candor and your willingness to tell the truth about an often misunderstood issue.

RJ: You're quite welcome.

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