Brain Blast Volume 4

The TMUSCLE archives are a lot like Vida Guerra's panty drawer: vast and filled with fascinating things.

From scandalous to motivational, from informative to just plain weird, we've scrounged through our past articles to uncover the sexiest tidbits. Enjoy.

Ass for Cash

I think it [hustling/prostitution] goes on here all the time, but I've never personally been approached.

Well, one time this one guy asked me if I did this or that, and I told him I didn't do that sort of thing. He asked me to pose for him privately and I told him I didn't do that, but if he wanted to see me, I'd be at World Gym and he could watch me train. He showed up, sat there and watched me train arms, then gave me a thousand dollars! I said fine, I've got legs tomorrow if you want to come back. That's the only time I saw him, though.

I hear of guys doing this all the time, going out and posing nude, doing this, doing that. I've a couple of friends who've done it. But that's not me, I'm not into that stuff. Amateurs come out here and they're doing this stuff, buying all the drugs in the world, etc. I'm a professional and I can barely afford stuff half the time, so how are these guys doing it? This is where they get all their money [selling themselves]. It goes on all the time, but you'll probably never stop it.

— Lee Priest, Dead Man Talking

The Bench Press: It Kinda Sucks

The bench press is the most overrated exercise of all time. In fact, if you perform the bench press in the manner that most people do, it's not even very good at stimulating the pecs.

To make matters worse, other docs I've talked to concur with my observation that the flat barbell bench press is positively correlated with a number of shoulder injuries like AC joint problems, biciptal tendonitis, and torn pecs.

I'm not saying to never do the bench press; I'm just saying that I wouldn't do it any more than any other chest exercise. Actually, I'd probably do it less than most others.

— Dr. Clay Hyght, 12 Truths About Bodybuilding Training

Throw the Rock

Fasted vs. semi-fasted morning cardio? I don't agree with either. We're made to throw a rock at the rabbit, not to chase it. We're basically anaerobic animals. The quickest way to get lean is through diet.

— Charles Poliquin, Poliquin's Top 20 Tips

Beating the Drug Tests

Knowledge of human physiology and drug metabolism is what beats drug testing. Steroids are training drugs, not competition drugs like modafinil or other stimulants. By adjusting an athlete's training when on drugs and coming off, the body can continue performing at supraphysiologic levels.

The effects that androgens and peptide hormones have on skeletal muscle and on the central nervous system last long after the drugs are discontinued. An athlete can dope and still attain a world-class performance in competition and not test positive simply by implementing a well-designed training program and knowledge of drug clearance.

— Chris Street, Anabolic Street, Part 2

That Feeling

There's just something about the iron, maybe it's the feel of the bar, or maybe the sound; talk about the music of the spheres, what sounds better than 45-pound plates jangling against one another? Maybe it's the feel of hoisting something overhead that most people can't budge. Maybe it's the ache that indicates a workout well done, or maybe it's the looks of muscle and sinew that's synonymous with some ancient and fleeting definition of heroism.

That trait might not be essential in defining a man, but it's sure as hell essential in defining a T-Man.

— TC Luoma, T-Man Redefined

Plateau No Mo'

Anytime you plateau in training, it's rarely that the program isn't complex enough. Usually it's because you've strayed from the basics.

— Alwyn Cosgrove, Non-Sexy Training and Nutrition

Tagged at the Border

We'd been tagged. So much for this being cake. Here's how it works: If the Border Patrol becomes suspicious of you or if you just happen to be unlucky, you're asked to pull into a special area where your car will be more closely inspected. This is called a secondary inspection. More officers and a few National Guard troops ask everyone to get out of the vehicle as they pour through it. This is what happened to us.

While I watched the hood being popped and doors being opened, I stuck my hands in my pockets and made small talk with the other officers. Inside my pockets, my fingers played with the Vitamin "T." I tried to keep the smile on my face as I realized I was making the numero uno mistake in the game of drug smuggling: I was unconsciously touching the product. It was something a former cocaine smuggler told me one time.

"You think you're being cool," he'd said, "but your body language is betraying you. You're ratting yourself out by nervously fondling the merchandise."

I slipped my hands out of my pockets, hopefully in a casual manner.

Finally, the hood was slammed and we were told we could go. I'd made it. I'd successfully smuggled something illegal into the country even after the security crackdown fueled by the events of September 11th. Cue the Miami Vice theme song.

— Chris Shugart, Smuggler's Blues

Shut Up and Push

How many times have we heard the question, "If you could only do one exercise, what would it be?" Truth is, I hate this type of stupid stuff. It's like when you were a kid. Could Superman beat the Hulk? Who cares?

However, I think I found my answer. If I could only do one thing, I think I would push a heavy sled.

If you've never pushed a heavy sled, shut up. It's amazing how many guys will weigh in on this one without ever having done it.

By the way, I said push, not drag. And I said heavy.

— Mike Boyle, Just One Exercise

Crush It

Crush his windpipe. The windpipe has the consistency of copper tubing and crushes easily.

— Tim Larkin, Knife Fight

GFH!

I'm not a nutritional guru by any stretch, but I do know when someone needs to freakin' eat! I don't care what it is, just eat it and keep eating until you begin to grow. Eat something!

Okay, now pay attention. Don't take the advice given above and use it as an excuse to get fat and out of shape!

Look, I'm all for GFH (get fucking huge) and have lifted in weight classes higher than my body would really let me. There has to be a balance between bodyweight, muscle mass, and conditioning. Hey, I really don't care what you have to do to lose weight. Up your protein, lower your carbohydrates, up your fat, lower your fat, up the carbs, or call Dr. Phil... Just do what you gotta' do.

— Dave Tate, Bustin' Ass 101

KY is Anabolic?

Thirteen guys out of the top twenty bodybuilders at the Olympia don't have the myostatin gene that limits muscle growth. They could whack off and grow!

— Charles Poliquin, Questions of Strength #41

Bodybuilder or Athlete? Choose!

If you're training for bodybuilding / aesthetic purposes, you should not follow the same principles or methods as you would if you were training for strength or performance.

This goes against the grain because many renowned strength coaches recommend training pretty much the same way regardless if your goal is building a nice physique or improving your performance. Most of the time, this is because these coaches have never actually been involved in bodybuilding or aesthetic training themselves! Most, if not all, of their personal and professional experience has been with athletes.

Well, let me tell you something; while both types of training (aesthetics and performance) utilize the same tools, they aren't the same thing at all. Different goals require different means.

— Christian Thibaudeau, The Beast Rants, You Learn

Train Longer!

One of the biggest fallacies that I keep hearing is this: resistance-training workouts must last less than one hour. Bullshit!

The putative notion that workouts should last less than an hour is based on old research that demonstrated a shift of anabolic and catabolic hormones in the negative direction after 45 minutes of resistance training. But now that we know how important it is to ingest carbs and protein at the onset and/or during a workout, that research becomes much less relevant.

If you drink SURGE® at the onset of your workouts, you can easily train for 90-120 minutes without worrying about cortisol's detrimental influence on your physique.

— Chad Waterbury, 4 Guaranteed Tips

Have a favorite quote from our articles or elsewhere that deserves a re-readin'? Hit "discuss" below and let us know!